Emotional Trainwreck

The pain is coming back again. I thought things were going to improve but time and time again I was proven wrong.

You said that you want this to work because I wanted it. Honestly now, I don't know if I want this anymore. Dealing with the pain is not only hard but it is taking it's toll on me.

I have always been afraid to lose you. You always know how to cheer me up when I am down. You are always willing to help me in any ways that you could. You even know me better than myself at times. I don't know what is going wrong because this is all so confusing.

Know that I love you no matter what but maybe I should move on. I know you will do fine without me but I cannot say the same for myself. For that reason, I cannot let you go. I cannot let the strength that is holding me together go.

Thanks for always being there for me even when I am a mess. Thanks for bring me to places that I have dreamt of going. Thanks for loving me once upon a time when I couldn't love myself.

Forever yours,
Slutty

She did what

I finally told my boss that I will be leaving end of January but not everyone. I don't know why but I actually want to leave quietly. The need to get away from the bad crazy to the drama is real bad. The unwanted expectations, negativity and criticism (some are constructive). For constructively criticism, I do hear them but I do need a bit of time to change but since I can be stubborn, I wouldn't change the way I feel or think.

That brings me to a point of being called slow. I have heard this so many times that on certain occasions I do not know why am I so affected by it. I never got it why I cannot do certain things at my own pace. Being 'slow' is one of my shortcoming but making me do things faster is not going to help. If I were to list out the things that I do that is slower than average, you will know why I have been called lazy as well. I could speed up to above average or average but I guess I love things to be perfect and in order which is why do things slowly. Nothing wrong with that because I love being different and weird.

Back to watching Overload and numb my brain 😂 I love to pretend to be blur because it's so fun. Afterall, it is better to have your opponents underestimate you than to think ahead of you.

Be bold
Be fearless
And stay true to yourself

XOXO,
Michelle

Sleep and Sleep

Decided to do an update while Grumpy is lying down in the room for a while so this shall be a quicky.

Another off day spent sleeping. I swear I gave up on not sleeping this much on my off day. 

There is nothing much to update about. I work A LOT. The next 2 weeks I will be spending at least a 105hours. It is so crazy when people thinks my job is easy. Sure I don't have the usual stuff but recently I am handling part admin, logistics and HR. Not forgetting I have to face humans the whole day. I really don't mind the nice ones but I cannot stand the ones that have too many comments and stupid questions. 

If my boss comes down, she comes down. Why do people thinks she reports to me? Like how I know when she will be down *rolls eyes* Since when the bosses reports to their staff? For me PAs and secretaries do not count as I feel like they need to know when and where their bosses are.

Better end this quick before Grumpy comes out.

Stay happy and healthy.

XOXO,

Michelle