Then me being me, started asking why am I still with him. Our 'relationship' is longer than average for most of his relationships. He told me because I was crazy... Yeah... I mean not wrong but I was in an 8year relationship with Benjamin so that says a lot.
The insane thing just came out of my mouth. I asked, "What is 1 pros about dating me?" He replied "You are very caring even though I don't deserve it."
At that moment I was kinda stunned and happy. It was words of affirmation that he sorta appreciates me and recognised my effort and feelings.
Few years back he mentioned that he was hard to date. I have seen a long time ago why is that so. The issue now is that I wonder if it's worth it for me to stay. It has been so long that I am actually happy with him.
I am used to being all sad and mopey. All of me refused to believed it is real. The reality of this relationship has always been negative. I mean I can just run off and find another guy that loves and appreciates me more. The only truth I believed in is that he doesn't love me and he is better on his own. I got no idea why he started tell me that he is in contact with a friend that just opened a law firm.
I don't care if I am in his will or anything. What I want is his love. Heck I know it is not gonna happen. Odds are I might just run away again.
Until I can move on, chances are I won't leave him. Looking at the way how Benjamin and I ended, it might not be as bad but who knows. Maybe I'll escape the nightmare and live out my life as a crazy cat lady. It's only a 10year wait.
Now I just got to refresh my brain to start on my silly essay.
XOXO,
Michelle