CNY visiting

CNY visiting over the weekends was great. Went to Kai's relative's place for visiting/celebration. Was sick the past few days so being out and all was really good. The house was so pretty and Kai's mum was so sweet and friendly. Gambled a bit but lost quite a bit on the last round since I was the dealer and everyone betted a lot bigger. Good thing I only lost to Pearlyn (not sure if I spelled her name right).

Sunday had change of plans so there was no mad rush. Won quite a bit in gambling (enough to cover Saturday's loses 😅). I cannot believe I have such an adorable and friendly baby niece that is very well behaved. Most of my cousins were kinda like little monsters except some were cuter which makes Janelle an angel.

I am enjoying my month long holiday but at the same time I am getting bored since I am really not used to working all the time. Gonna end this post here since there is nothing much to mention.

XOXO,
Michelle

Emotional Trainwreck

The pain is coming back again. I thought things were going to improve but time and time again I was proven wrong.

You said that you want this to work because I wanted it. Honestly now, I don't know if I want this anymore. Dealing with the pain is not only hard but it is taking it's toll on me.

I have always been afraid to lose you. You always know how to cheer me up when I am down. You are always willing to help me in any ways that you could. You even know me better than myself at times. I don't know what is going wrong because this is all so confusing.

Know that I love you no matter what but maybe I should move on. I know you will do fine without me but I cannot say the same for myself. For that reason, I cannot let you go. I cannot let the strength that is holding me together go.

Thanks for always being there for me even when I am a mess. Thanks for bring me to places that I have dreamt of going. Thanks for loving me once upon a time when I couldn't love myself.

Forever yours,
Slutty

She did what

I finally told my boss that I will be leaving end of January but not everyone. I don't know why but I actually want to leave quietly. The need to get away from the bad crazy to the drama is real bad. The unwanted expectations, negativity and criticism (some are constructive). For constructively criticism, I do hear them but I do need a bit of time to change but since I can be stubborn, I wouldn't change the way I feel or think.

That brings me to a point of being called slow. I have heard this so many times that on certain occasions I do not know why am I so affected by it. I never got it why I cannot do certain things at my own pace. Being 'slow' is one of my shortcoming but making me do things faster is not going to help. If I were to list out the things that I do that is slower than average, you will know why I have been called lazy as well. I could speed up to above average or average but I guess I love things to be perfect and in order which is why do things slowly. Nothing wrong with that because I love being different and weird.

Back to watching Overload and numb my brain 😂 I love to pretend to be blur because it's so fun. Afterall, it is better to have your opponents underestimate you than to think ahead of you.

Be bold
Be fearless
And stay true to yourself

XOXO,
Michelle