It is what it is

Guess the current relationship we have is just making use of each other. I have no idea what uses you get out of me other than my Netflix account which seems kinda stupid comparing the fact that I use you for your house and your disgusting level of smartness.

This whole relationship is just weird. Doesn't matter anyway. We are just not meant to be. 'We' shouldn't have existed. You were never who I thought you were. The 'old' you that I fell in love with was the result of my denial and delusion.

I am comfortable living in this sick and twisted fantasy. Truth to be told, I need to find a new Wonderland. A Wonderland that is no longer demented. A Wonderland without the need to numb. No more denials no more delusion.

NO MORE LIVING WITH THE PAIN
NO MORE YOU

I thought you would be less painful than Benjamin. I have learn how to live without him and hopefully soon enough, I will not only learn how to live without you but also to forget you.

CNY visiting

CNY visiting over the weekends was great. Went to Kai's relative's place for visiting/celebration. Was sick the past few days so being out and all was really good. The house was so pretty and Kai's mum was so sweet and friendly. Gambled a bit but lost quite a bit on the last round since I was the dealer and everyone betted a lot bigger. Good thing I only lost to Pearlyn (not sure if I spelled her name right).

Sunday had change of plans so there was no mad rush. Won quite a bit in gambling (enough to cover Saturday's loses 😅). I cannot believe I have such an adorable and friendly baby niece that is very well behaved. Most of my cousins were kinda like little monsters except some were cuter which makes Janelle an angel.

I am enjoying my month long holiday but at the same time I am getting bored since I am really not used to working all the time. Gonna end this post here since there is nothing much to mention.

XOXO,
Michelle

Emotional Trainwreck

The pain is coming back again. I thought things were going to improve but time and time again I was proven wrong.

You said that you want this to work because I wanted it. Honestly now, I don't know if I want this anymore. Dealing with the pain is not only hard but it is taking it's toll on me.

I have always been afraid to lose you. You always know how to cheer me up when I am down. You are always willing to help me in any ways that you could. You even know me better than myself at times. I don't know what is going wrong because this is all so confusing.

Know that I love you no matter what but maybe I should move on. I know you will do fine without me but I cannot say the same for myself. For that reason, I cannot let you go. I cannot let the strength that is holding me together go.

Thanks for always being there for me even when I am a mess. Thanks for bring me to places that I have dreamt of going. Thanks for loving me once upon a time when I couldn't love myself.

Forever yours,
Slutty